My Best Friend Ana.

Eaten
chicken wrap,
cereal and yogurt,
mouthful of pasta
skinnycow icecream sandwich (was bought FOR me >.>)

total calories: close to 800?
I feel like a cow.

Excersized
worked for five hours - constantly on my feet and walking like no other,
need to do 1000 abs tonight to feel almost alright,

total expected to burn: 1,251 ...


Thinspo:

you'd love her...


Mood:
I'm in the negative cals for today, but I'm not happy about it...I could have done so much better...
Those painkillers...they mess with your head. My vision keeps going weird and I keep stumbling over things. I have to babysit tonight and tomorrow so I had to eat something because I was already falling down at work trying to do the seemingly obvious...cleaning tables like a racehorse.
I wish I could take more without being worried about killing my internal organs..I wish I could do pot.

I actually just wish I could chainsmoke without having anyone smell it...

I don't want to talk to anyone, I want to give Ana my whole attention. She's my best friend.

Q&A From Tumblr

I am:
[x] anorexic
[] ednos 
[X] bulimic 
[] living off diet pills 
[] hungry 
[] thirsty 
[x] drinking something 
[] Under 100lbs 
[x] fasting/starving myself

PEOPLE: 
[] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic 
[x] have called me fat
[x] have said I’m skinny
[x] have said I’m ugly 
[x] have said I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me 
[x] force me to eat 
[x] say I eat too much
[x] wish I’d eat more 
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I WISH: 
[x] I was THIN 
[x] I had a better body 
[x] I didn’t have to eat 
[x] I could control myself 
[x] I was under 110lbs 
[x] I could avoid food 
[x] I could hide what I am 
[x] I wasn’t fat 
[x] I was pretty 
[] I could stop being anorexic/bulimic/ednos

I LOVE:
[x] feeling hungry 
[x] seeing a difference when fasting 
[] shaking 
[x] feeling airy 
[x] losing weight 
[] being anorexic/bulimic 
[x] green tea 
[] diet pills 
[x] being able to turn down food 
[] feeling good about myself 

APPEARANCE: 
[] I am shorter than 5’4
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes
[x] I have many scars 
[x] I wish my hair was a different color
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color
[] I have a tattoo
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[x] I have/had braces 
[] I wear glasses 
[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free 
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger 
[x]  I have more than 2 piercings
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears 
[] I have freckles 

FAMILY:
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents
[] I’ve run away from home 
[] I’ve been kicked out of the house 
[] My biological parents are together 
[] I have a sibling less than one year old 
[x] I want to have kids someday
[] I’ve had children 
[] I’ve lost a child  
[] I can’t have children

RELATIONSHIPS: 
[x] I’m single 
[] I’m in a relationship
[] I’m engaged 
[] I’m married
[] I’ve gone on a blind date 
[x] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper
[xxx] I miss someone right now 
[x] I have a fear of abandonment 
[] I’ve cheated in a relationship 
[] I’ve gotten divorced 
[XXXXX] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[x] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
[x] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did 
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship
[x] I’ve been ‘the other woman’

SEXUALITY: 
[x] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
[] I’ve had a crush on a teacher 
[] I am a cuddler
[] I’ve kissed in the rain
[] I’ve hugged a stranger 
[] I have kissed a stranger

BAD TIMES: 
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol
[] I regularly drink
[] I can’t swallow pills
[x] I can swallow numerous pills at a time without water
[] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset
[] I take anti-depressants
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it 
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose
[] I’m addicted to self harm
[x] I’ve woken up crying 
[x] I’ve lost weight 
[x] I’ve gained weight 
[x] My weight holds me back 
[x] Weight consumes me 
[x] I’m at my thinnest 
[] I’m at my biggest 
[x] I’ve lost weight and kept it off 
[x] I’ve lost weight but gained it back 
[x] My weight affects my mood 
[x] I weigh myself daily 
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me 
[] I thrive on compliments 
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size 
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry 
[x] I get depressed after I eat 
[x] I’ve skipped a meal 
[x] I’ve thrown food away 
[x] I’ve spit food out 
[x] I’ve fasted 
[] I’ve taken diet pills 
[] I’ve used laxatives 
[x] I’ve purged 
[x] I exercise 
[] I exercise so I can eat 
[x] I work out secretly 
[x] I work out daily  
[] I’ve fainted from exhaustion 

I’ve done: 
[x] Weed 
[x] Cigarettes 
[x] Alcohol 
[] Diet pills 
[x] Pain killers 
[] Sleeping pills
[] Anti-depressants 
[] Ecstasy 
[] LSD 
[] Mushrooms 
[] Speed 
[] Cocaine 
[] Other
 
HABITS:
[x] I keep my eating habits a secret 
[x] I look at thinspo 
[x] I collect thinspo 
[x] I count calories 
[x] I’ve had negative intake days 
[x] I avoid food 
[x] I hate food 
[] I love food 
[x] I want to be this way 
[] I don’t want to be like this 
[x] I wish I could have more control 
[x] Being thin is my top priority 
[] I am in treatment 
[x] I’m doing this for me 
[x] I’m doing this for someone 
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself

Watch the Numbers Go Down.

I reached 160. SO proud. I have NO desire to touch, look at, or want food at all. Right now, I never want to eat again, food does nothing for me.

Eaten/Smoked/Drank
4 cups coffee (w.milk)
1 smoke
salad and wrap from dinner (we went out)

total calories: DEF can't be more then 100
-_- i wish i had done better. I didn't want the food. As I was eating it, I was thinking "wow this is absolutely disgusting" ...

Excersized
45 minutes walking in heat.
-280 calories :3

Thinspiration


^^^taylor momsen.

Mistakes, Mistakes

Eaten/Smoked/Drank
hot dog,
piece of chocolate,
1/2 piece of french toast,
5 cigs >.>

Total calories = about 270 ..

shit.
not in a good place right now. long stories.

Thinspiration

Simply Thinspiration 2

would you rather:
get fucked or be fat?
wear a bikini or layers to the beach?
get double takes or have a double-scoop?
see your beautiful bones or have that piece of cake?
have people notice you or eat those cookies?
find love&be loved or eat that food?
binge or be proud of your fast?


Dear Ana,
have all of me, I don't want to eat anymore.
Lydia.
.

Listen To Ana, She Knows

I'm having people over tonight so i had to do baking for them during the day >.<

Eaten/Smoked/Drank
licked spoons off cookie dough >.> my little weakness...
snacked on chips,
too much to drink .

total calories: too much alcohol to tell.


Excersized


Did I Have To Cut?
i cut all of FAT when i was drunk + two on my wrist


Thinspiration





I'm so scared I'm going to binge, I went down another pound today. Finally some rewards for my work. I'm so tired and I don't want to have to rely on smoking to get me through days. Once I can't smoke anymore, then what am I going to do? I'm having like two smokes a day now...
.
.
I'm scared what's going to become of me, but for now I'm listening to Ana.
.
5:00 p.m. Holding strong, people haven't arrived yet - they come at seven and there's food out the wazoo over here >.<
.

Punishment Day

Yesterday was NOT okay....after all that work liquid fasting for 64 hours. faack.

Eaten/Drank/Smoked
2 cig
1 mug green tea

Excersized
200 abs
50 squats

i know, pathetic.


Did I Have to Cut?
final slash in F for yesterday.


Thinspiration



Totally screwed up yesterday, this is not okay. I was doing so well and I broke it over my faveourite food of all time, strawberries and french toast and alcohol...




p.s.  theres more followers! thank you so much guys, I really love having people who can relate to me reading!
<3 don't hesistate to email me at lcdsrox79@live.ca or find me on PT under QuietScreamsTruth
.
.

Here We Go.

Eaten/Drank/Smoked
boiled 1/2 apple with cinnamon (purged)
ate 1 cracker because I felt like I was going to puke? o.o
lunch with a friend - sushi (VERY healthy as well)
100-cal fiber bar
1 smoke
....a friend came over... strawberries, pancake and french toast and ALCOHOL...

Total calories: close to 1500 probably.

Excersized
I was out for 4 hours, i walked for about 1 1/2 hours total.
Did the Machine Ab Excersize on advanced again >.>


My scale says 163

Thinspiration





I know i could have done better today, but lunch with my friend was way overdue as it is.
I need to loose as much as effin possible by thursday - i'm having a...friend over.
BAHH, WHY WONT THE DAMN WEIGHT JUST GO AWAY!?
.
.

Simply Thinspiration 1

Focus: Covergirls .

Drew Barrymore

Rihanna





Taylor Swift

Did I Grow Up According To Plan?

Song of the day - perfect by Simple Plan
Good Enough by Evanescence

Eaten/Drank/Smoked
water like theres no tomorrow - bathroom like 10 times >.>
2 cans diet dr.pepper
2 smokes
1 mug tea
metamusil with water

total calories: 0!!! :D

Excersized
55 minutes walking - about 5.7k
200 abs

Did I have to cut?
Hellno.


Thinspiration


Taylor Swift



Megan Fox



Kristen Stewart







Covergirls , no doubt.

This is how I like it. I feel motivated. I'm doing my excersize. Theres no reason as to why im NOT loosing weight.

I feel almost like i'm cheating by having all the no-cal secrets, but at the same time, it rocks :$


Dear Ana, I've found out your tricks. Smoke+drpepper = NO hunger whatsoever

This is What I Like.

This is more like it.

Eaten/Drank&Time
9:30 a.m. - green tea with ginger
3:37 p.m. - 335mL Diet Dr.Pepper
6:00 p.m. - more green tea with ginger
7:30 p.m. - another can of Diet Dr. Pepper
overall about 3 more cups of water

Total Calories: 0!

Excersized
Walked 40 Minutes in heat
Ab workout on the Ab-Doer - beginner and intermediate
200 ab reps of my making
100 lunges

Thinspiration

Too Much

Eaten:
Breakfast sandwich from timmis with an iced capp because it was bought for me before i woke up by my mother that doesn't know i don't eat.
-tea
-a plate of dinner from the food court because i have to illustrate to my friend that im eating (she wanted to go splits)
-twizzlers, diet coke and popcorn at the movies with her.

Total Calories = close to 1000 probably

Excersized:
walked total of an hour and a half in the blistering 34 degrees Celsius

Do I Have To Cut?
I'm not cutting, I don't want to and I'm tired and I'm running on less then three hours of sleep which will probably be repeated again tonight.

Thinspiration

Swim the Calories Away!

July 22, 2011

Eaten
Brownie with ice cream and a piece of chocolate
cherries and french toast
burger and salad and ice cream bc at a friends house
fruit and yogurt


Total Calories: 730 >.>

Excersized
swam for 30 minutes, walked for 30


Did I have to cut?
not today. it was restricted.

Drank?
green tea (4 cups)
1 bottle of water




Thinspiration:



..yeah i went a little thispo-crazy.
Good news? Next week I'm not going to be watched for eating AT ALL, so i can eat as little as i please :3
I've made plans for the first few days of an apple a day (which supposedly keeps the doctor away) and splitting it into quarters, having one quarter every few hours. MAKES SENSE, no? :$


^^my life, right there.

Covergirl Quality.

July 21

Eaten:
20 calories of marble cheese
3 more pickles (half size)
2 pieces low fat ham
Binge on chips, cereal, ice cream and rice

Total calories: 5+20 = 25
Total calories in 62.5 hours? 25+64= 89


at my dad's gf's house - four pieces of pizza, timbits, ice cream and diet pepsi. STUPID BINGE. ruined everything. Only purged the equivalent to one piece of pizza.

Excersize
2 hours swimming (i must have done 50 lengths)
100 ab reps
50 squats

Did I have to cut?
twice.
That's two strikes in F.


thinspiration:


Selena Gomez




Why can't I just be a covergirl and be done?