Watch me while I bleed.

the only way i can keep my head up at school is if i can find drive to do something.
crying over every class isn't going to help me.

ate half an apple and a coke zero today,
walked half an hour
almost passed out again
ate fruit and dinner (purged.)
kept down grapes.

total calories: 100 - sigh.
total net cals:  -200 or so
total diet pills: 4  - OD'd again.
total smokes: 1


fasting tomorrow until sushi. sigh.

I still feel so fat. 
make me as invisible as I feel.


**LOST 2LBS IN 4 DAYS.
.
.
.

Let's just say...

today is Thursday

Monday - purged all but 2pieces toast, 3 marshmellows, 3 crackers.
Tuesday - nothing, 3 diet pills
Wednesday - celery, 1 cokezero, binge then purge.  3 diet pills .
Thursday - purged all but coke zero, half an apple.

total for 3days:  500-600
net cals: i dont know ... lots of walking.

i feel like i'm going to pass out .
hey mom! your daughter just overdosed on diet pills.






Can't you see I'm dying? I'll never be good enough.

Help, I'm Alive.

YESTERDAY
out for breakfast - omlete with spinach, feta and tomatoes, homefries, toast and fruit. and apple cobbler.
wrap with lettuce and low-fat chicken
sushi and green tea
hot dog, smores
5 smokes

bad day? i think so. >500 calories. -.-

deductions:
walked 1hr+
-300 calories.



TODAY
cheerios with almonds, walnuts and raisins (close to 300 calories)
wrap with omlete (cheese and salami) - (400)

deductions:
worked (-1290)



why does it have to be so hard to be perfect?
You're not attracted to me - you need to be. I want to make you attracted to me.
because I'm attracted to you...

why am i never good enough for anyone?
.
.
.
.

Work My Ass Off

11:59 p.m. update

sushi (purged)
drank coffee,
2 smokes
cheerios and almonds, walnuts and raisins
1/3 cup lowfat yogurt
walked in a mall for 4 hrs,
40 mintues walking
subway - healthy sub with veggies


calories so far: close to +700 probably
calories burned so far: did 1 rep, -1000 calories
























It's not that I'm broken
or hurting,
or in pain,
It's that I'm invisible.




2:23a.m.
THIS. IS. BULLSHIT.
WHY CAN'T I JUST FUCKING GET IT THE FUCK RIGHT?
i'm not strong enough
pretty enough or god enough
for anyone or anything.
I can't stick to a fast,
I can't starve
I'm not in pain from hunger, God knows how much I want to be.