Breathe Me

June 8, 2011

I'm surprised I'm this okay. I really wouldn't be if I wasn't trying to build myself to be so strong. I want to be strong, so I must pay with happiness. Good price? Yes.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'm tired of being sad, so I'm going to be happy. I don't know how I managed that for so long.

Today I feel like everyone except ... two people are slowly drifting apart from me. Like I'm stuck with this constant negative feeling like someone's plotting something against me, or they don't want to be around me. I don't want to feel like this, but I feel so irritated with everyone lately, I'm having the tendency to only see the negative.

We made more plans for the apartment today, myself and my friend "A". I started to think about the people that I would be rooming with. I want to move out so badly, but I want it to be with people that I can really stand living with.

I can't wait to leave, maybe I'll finally be independent.

But I want a new job, the hours for this one sucks. I kind of want to wait until I'm sixteen so that I can have a waitressing job.

I puked again last night - lasagna doesn't taste good the second time.

And I ate too much today - crackers, pizza, an iced capp, and I'm not planning on eating anything else today. I forgot how helpful my crackers were.

I forgot how many tips work for thinspo.

I forgot how much money we all spend on food.

I'm sorry, I'm going back into eating troubles.

And I have figured out that I don't want to date Person #2 (the one I messed around with that would be the answer to all our problems) I would rather stay right where I am. B, you can have him.

When the right guy comes along, we'll already be dating.

"Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe"

Sia - Breathe Me